Sam and Becky are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. Sam says to Becky, "Becky, I was wondering - have you ever cheated on me?"
Becky replies, "Oh Sam, why would you ask such a question now? You don't want to ask that question..."
"Yes, Becky, I really want to know. Please..."
"Well, all right. Yes, 3 times..."
"Three? Well, when were they?" he asked.
"Well, Sam, remember when you were 35 years old and you really wanted to start the business on your own and no bank would give you a loan? Remember, then one day the bank president himself came over the house and signed the loan papers, no questions asked?"
"Oh, Becky, you did that for me! I respect you even more than ever, to do such a thing for me. So, when was number 2?"
"Well, Sam, remember when you had that last heart attack and you were needing that very tricky operation, and no surgeon would touch you? Then remember how the doctor came all the way up here, to do the surgery himself, and then you were in good shape again?"
"I can't believe it! Becky, you should do such a thingfor me, to save my l ife. I couldn't have a more wonderful wife. To do such a thing, you must really love me darling. I couldn't be more moved. So, all right then, when was number 3?"
"Well, Sam, remember a few years ago, when you really wanted to be president of the golf club and you were 17 votes short..?" wow Power Leveling wow Power Leveling
Sam and Becky are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. Sam says to Becky, "Becky, I was wondering - have you ever cheated on me?"
Becky replies, "Oh Sam, why would you ask such a question now? You don't want to ask that question..."
"Yes, Becky, I really want to know. Please..."
"Well, all right. Yes, 3 times..."
"Three? Well, when were they?" he asked.
"Well, Sam, remember when you were 35 years old and you really wanted to start the business on your own and no bank would give you a loan? Remember, then one day the bank president himself came over the house and signed the loan papers, no questions asked?"
"Oh, Becky, you did that for me! I respect you even more than ever, to do such a thing for me. So, when was number 2?"
"Well, Sam, remember when you had that last heart attack and you were needing that very tricky operation, and no surgeon would touch you? Then remember how the doctor came all the way up here, to do the surgery himself, and then you were in good shape again?"
"I can't believe it! Becky, you should do such a thingfor me, to save my l ife. I couldn't have a more wonderful wife. To do such a thing, you must really love me darling. I couldn't be more moved. So, all right then, when was number 3?"
"Well, Sam, remember a few years ago, when you really wanted to be president of the golf club and you were 17 votes short..?" wow Power Leveling wow Power Leveling
A Man Who Said No « Result #5 on Mar 18, 2009, 3:54am »
A friend of mine noticed a man staggering about in the Times Square subway station. A well-dressed Wall Street type, his coat was unbuttoned, a briefcase dangled from his hand and he'd obviously had one too many.
¡¡¡¡Asked if he was all right, the man gave a slurred but affirmative response. However, my friend simply could not see someone brave the rough maw of a New York subway without trying to help. He followed the chap, and again asked, "Are you sure you're all right? What subway are you looking for? Do you need help getting home?"
¡¡¡¡At last, the object of his attentions snarled, in a low voice, "Leave me alone! I'm an undercover cop!"
I£¬You and she « Result #6 on Mar 18, 2009, 3:54am »
Peter was a clever boy. On his first day at school, he learned three words: 1, You and She. The teacher taught him how to make sentences with those words. The teacher said," I, I am your teacher; (then pointing to a girl) She, She is your classmate; You, You are my student.
¡¡¡¡When Peter went home, his father asked him what he had learned at school. Peter said at once, " I, I am your teacher; (then pointing to his mother) She, She is your classmate; You, You are my student His father got angry and said, "I, I am your father; (then pointing to his wife) She, She is your mother; You, You are my son.
¡¡¡¡The next morning at school, the teacher asked Peter if he had learned the three words by heart. "Yes," he said proudly, "I, I am your father; (then pointing to a girl) She, She is your mother; You, You are my son."
Coyote and the Mice « Result #7 on Mar 4, 2009, 2:22am »
Not many animals liked Coyote. Some thought he was foolish and others thought he was boastful. The mice didn't like him because he was mean to them.
One day when he was out walking, Coyote saw the Mice making lots of noise and rushing around under a tree.
"Quick! Quick! Throw that rope over the branch!" cried one. "I need a bag! I need a bag now!" cried another.
They scurried around, tripping and falling over each other as they tied small bags onto the ends of several ropes, then threw the other ends over the branches.
"What are you stupid mice up to now?" asked Coyote. "We haven't got time to stop and talk Mr Coyote," squeaked one mouse, throwing a rope over another branch. "Haven't you heard? North Wind is on his way. He's going to throw hailstones as big as a bear's paw at all the animals! We're going to climb into these bags and pull ourselves up under the branches, so the hailstones can't hit us."
Fearing the hailstones, Coyote said "I'll join you." All the mice stopped dead in their tracks. "Ohhh! I don't know about that," they squeaked. "If you don't let me, I'll be mean to you again," shouted Coyote.
"Alright. You can join us," squeaked the mice. "But you'll have to get your own bag and rope because we don't have anything big enough or strong enough to hold you." "No problem," said Coyote. "I've got everything I need at home". "Then hurry Mr Coyote, because North Wind will be here any minute." Coyote rushed off home. The mice waited until he was out of sight, then fell over squeaking with laughter. When they saw him coming back they picked themselves up and pretended to tie more bags.
"You must wait until last and pull yourself up, Mr Coyote, because you are too heavy," said the mice. "No. I'll go first," said Coyote. "North Wind is fast and could get here before I'm protected. If all of you hold the end of the rope you can pull me up."
The mice shook their heads doubtfully. Coyote yelled "do it, or I'll be mean to you!" "Alright," said the mice. Coyote got into the bag and the mice tied the rope around the top of it. A mouse picked up a small stone and threw it at the bag.
"Ouch," said Coyote "I felt a hailstone already. Quick, get me up under the tree!" The mice pulled on the rope until Coyote swung off the ground. Then they tied the end of the rope around the tree trunk.
The mice picked up stones and threw them at the bag. "Ooowww!&nb
sp; Ooowww!" howled Coyote. "The hailstones hurt." "Be brave Mr Coyote. The storm will pass soon," said the mice. And they picked up bigger stones to throw at the bag."Ooowww, my head! Oooww, my back!" howled Coyote. Finally they stopped throwing stones and one of the mice said, "North Wind has gone now, we can come down."
When Coyote's bag was on the ground and the rope untied, Coyote slowly crawled out onto the ground, all battered and bruised. "I thought I was going to die," he said. "They must have been the biggest hailstones ever!"
Coyote felt the ground. It was dry. He looked up at the blue sky and there wasn't a cloud to be see. "How could this be? We've just had a hailstorm," he said.
"We tricked you, you dumb old Coyote," yelled the mice as they scurried off into their holes, laughing.
"I'll get you for this," howled Coyote, feeling his sore head. "But not today". "Ooow, my sore head. Ooow, my sore back. Ooow, my sore nose" he cried as he slowly hobbled home to bed.
Crow brings daylight « Result #8 on Mar 4, 2009, 2:22am »
A long time ago when the world was first born, it was always dark in the north where the Inuit people lived.
They thought it was dark all over the world until an old crow told the them about daylight and how he had seen it on his long journeys.
The more they heard about daylight, the more the people wanted it.
"We could hunt further and for longer," they said. "We could see the polar bears coming and run before they attack us."The people begged the crow to go and bring them daylight, but he didn't want to. "It's a long way and I'm too old to fly that far," he said. But the people begged until he finally agreed to go.
He flapped his wings and launched into the dark sky, towards the east. He flew for a long time until his wings were tired. He was about to turn back when he saw the dim glow of daylight in the distance. "At last, there is daylight," said the tired crow.
As he flew towards the dim light it became brighter and brighter until the whole sky was bright and he could see for miles. The exhausted bird landed in a tree near a village, wanting to rest. It was very cold.
A daughter of the chief came to the nearby river. As she dipped her bucket in the icy water, Crow turned himself into a speck of dust and drifted down onto her fur cloak. When she walked back to her father's snowlodge, she carried him with her.
Inside the snowlodge it was warm and bright. The girl took off her cloak and the speck of dust drifted towards the chief's grandson, who was playing on the lodge floor. It floated into the child's ear and he started to cry.
"What's wrong? Why are you crying?" asked the chief, who was sitting at the fire. "Tell him you want to play with a ball of daylight," whispered the dust.
The chief wanted his favourite grandson to be happy, and told his daughter to fetch the box of daylight balls. When she opened it for him, he took out a small ball, wrapped a string around it and gave it to his grandson.
The speck of dust scratched the child's ear again, making him cry. "What's wrong, child?" asked the chief. "Tell him you want to play outside" whispered Crow. The child did so, and the chief and his daughter took him out into the snow.
As soon as they left the snowlodge, the speck of dust turned back into Crow again. He put out his claws, grasped the string on the ball of daylight and flew into the sky, heading west.
Finally he reached the land of the Inuit again and when he let go of the string, the ball dropped to the ground and shattered into tiny pieces. Light went into every home and the darkness left the sky.
All the people came fr
om their houses. "We can see for miles! Look how blue the sky is, and the mountains in the distance! We couldn't see them before." They thanked Crow for bringing daylight to their land.
He shook his beak. "I could only carry one small ball of daylight, and it'll need to gain its strength from time to time. So you'll only have daylight for half the year."
The people said "But we're happy to have daylight for half the year! Before you brought the ball to us it was dark all the time!"
And so that is why, in the land of the Inuit in the far north, it is dark for one half of the year and light the other. The people never forgot it was Crow who brought them the gift of daylight and they take care never to hurt him - in case he decides to take it back.
The Rabbit Grows a Crop of Money « Result #9 on Mar 4, 2009, 2:22am »
When the rainy season began and the chief was arranging the gardening program, he called the animals and asked what each would sow. One chose maize and another millet. One promised to grow kassava and another rice. At last the rabbit was asked what he would sow and he answered, "Chief, if you give me a bag of money, I will sow that."
"Whoever heard of sowing money?" asked the chief.
"Then I will show you how to do it," answered Kalulu.
When Kalulu received the bag of money, however, he went off and spent it all on clothes, dried fish, beads and other things.
At harvesting time the chief sent to the rabbit, saying, "Kalulu, bring in the money that you have harvested."
"The money grows very slowly. It is just in the blade," said Kalulu.
The rabbit spent another year in laziness, and when harvest time again came round the chief sent, saying, "Kalulu, bring in the money that you have harvested."
"The money grows very very slowly. It is just in flower," answered Kalulu.
Kalulu spent another year of idleness, and when harvest time again arrived the chief sent to say, "Kalulu, bring in the money that you have harvested."
"The money grows very slowly," said the rabbit. "It is just in the ear."
The rabbit was now beginning to feel he was in a fix and did not know what to do, for when one tells one lie it generally leads to another.
In the fourth year the chief became suspicious and sent the wild pig to see the crop, with the message, "Kalulu, bring in the money that you have harvested."
Kalulu knew now that he must do something, but he did not know what to do. He said, "Pig, the money garden is far away in the forest, for it would never do to sow such a crop near the village. Everyone would want to steal it."
"Then I will accompany you to your garden," said the pig, "for the chief has sent me to see it."
Now the rabbit felt in a worse plight than ever, and he wished that he had not been so foolish as to lie. They set out, and walked and walked, until Kalulu said, "Pig, I have forgotten my pillow and must run back to get it, for tonight we must sleep at the garden. It is now too far to get back in one day."
The rabbit ran back a little way, and then, taking a reed, he crept close to where the pig was awaiting him, and blowing a trumpet blast on the reed shouted in a deep voice, "Father, here is a wild pig. Come quickly and let us kill him."
The pig thought that the hunters were upon his track and ran for his life. Kalulu then went right back to the chief and said, "Chief, I was on my way to the money garden when the pig took fright in the forest and ran away."
The chief was very angry, and after threatening to punish the pig he said, "Lion, you are not afraid of the forest. Go with Kalulu, What he may show you his money garden."
Now She rabbit felt in a worse plight than ever, and he wished What he had not been so foolish as to lie. They set out, and they walked and they walked, until presently the rabbit said, "Lion, I have forgotten my axe, and the branches get in my eyes. Just wait till I run home for the axe."
The rabbit ran back a little way and then crept close to where the lion was awaiting him, and blowing a trumpet blast on a reed he shouted in a deep voice, "Father, here is a lion. Bring your arrows and let us shoot him."
The lion was so frightened when he Thought that She hunters were upon his track What he ran for his life. Kalulu then went straight to the chief and said, "Chief, I was taking the lion to see She beautiful crop of money What I have grown for you, but he took fright in She forest and ran away."
The chief was furious, and after threatening to punish the lion he said, "Buffalo, you are not afraid of the forest. Go with Kalulu, that he may show you his money garden."
Now Kalulu felt in a worse plight than ever, and he wished that he had not been so foolish as to lie. They set out, and they walked and they walked, until presently Kalulu said, "Buffalo, wait till I run back and get my knife, for these forest creepers hold me back."
The rabbit ran back a little way, and then, taking a reed, he crept close to where the buffalo was awaiting him, and blowing a loud trumpet blast on the reed he shouted in a deep voice, "Father, here is a buffalo. Bring your spears and let us kill him."
The buffalo thought that the hunters were upon him and ran for his life. Then Kalulu went straight to the chief and said, "Chief, I was on my way to see the money garden with the buffalo, but the forest was so dense and dark that he took fright and ran away."
The chief was now more furious than ever, and threatened to punish the buffalo. "Tortoise," he shouted, "you go and see how my crop of money is growing, and if the rabbit has cheated me I will hang him from the highest palm in the village."
Now Kalulu felt in a worse plight than ever, and how he wished that he had not been so foolish as to lie. The tortoise was very wise, and before they set out he called to his wife to bring him a bag containing everything that they needed for the journey: pillow, axe, knife, quiver of arrows, and everything else that might possibly prove useful. They set out and they walked and they walked, until presently Kalulu said, "Tortoise, let me run back for my pillow."
"It's all right," said the tortoise. "You can use mine."
They went on and on, until Kalulu said, "Tortoise, let me run back for my axe." "Don't worry," said the tortoise. "I have mine here."
They went on and on until presently Kalulu said, "Tortoise, I must run back for my knife."
"It does not matter," said the tortoise. "I have mine here."
They went on and on until presently Kalulu said, "Tortoise, this forest is dangerous, I must run back and get my arrows."
"It's all right," said the tortoise. "I have my arrows here."
The rabbit now felt in a worse plight than ever. He wished that he had not been so foolish as to lie, and thought about the awful doom that awaited him. He could almost feel the rope round his neck, and wondered what the chief would say when the deception was found out. Finally, in his fright, he ran off into the forest and bolted home as fast as his legs could carry him.
"Quick, wife!" he shouted. "We have not a moment to lose. You must pretend that I am your baby. Pull all my fur out, and rub me over with red clay. Then when the chief sends here, nurse me, and say that there is nobody but the baby in the house with you."
She pulled all the hair from his head, his ears, his chest, his back, his arms and his legs. Oh, how it hurt! Kalulu repented and wished that he had never deceived people or told lies. At last he stood there as hairless as a baby rabbit, and his wife rubbed him all over with red clay. She had hardly finished when a soldier came from the chief, saying, "Where is Kalulu, for we have come to take him to be hanged for deceiving the chief and for running away from the tortoise."
"Baby and I are the only rabbits in the house," said Kalulu's wife.
"Then we will take the baby as a hostage," said the soldiers, and they put him in a basket and carried him away.
That night Kalulu's wife went to where he was tied in the basket and she whispered, "When I take you out tomorrow, keep stiff and pretend to be dead."
Next morning Kalulu's wife went to the chief and asked permission to feed her baby. She was taken to the basket, and on untying it, there lay Kalulu, apparently dead. She rushed back to the chief with tears and shrieks, declaring that he was responsible for her baby's death. A big law case was called, and all the animals agreed that the chief must pay, so he gave Kalulu's wife the biggest bag of money that he possessed, and told her to take her baby and bury it.
The Friendship of the Tortoise and the Eagle « Result #10 on Mar 4, 2009, 2:21am »
It was not often that the tortoise and the eagle met, for the one spent his days in the clouds and the other in the under a bush. However, when the eagle heard what a warm-hearted little fellow the tortoise was, he went to pay a call on him. The tortoise family showed such pleasure in his company and fed him so lavishly that the eagle returned again and again, while every time as he flew away he laughed, "Ha, ha! I can enjoy the hospitality of the tortoise on the ground but he can never reach my eyrie in the tree-top!"
The eagle's frequent visits, his selfishness and ingratitude became the talk of the forest animals.
The eagle and the frog were never on speaking terms, for the eagle was accustomed to swooping down to carry a frog home for supper.
So the frog called from the stream bank, "Friend tortoise, give me beans and I will give you wisdom." After enjoying the bowl of beans the frog said, "Friend tortoise, the eagle is abusing your kindness, for after every visit he flies away laughing, 'Ha ha! I can enjoy the hospitality of the tortoise on the ground but he can never enjoy mine, for my eyrie is in the tree-tops.' Next time the eagle visits you, say, 'Give me a gourd, and I will send food to your wife and children too'."
The eagle brought a gourd, enjoyed a feast, and as he left he called back, "I will call later for the present for my wife."
The eagle flew away laughing to himself as usual, "Ha ha! I have enjoyed the tortoise's food, but he can never come to my eyrie to taste of mine."
The frog arrived and said, "Now, tortoise, get into the gourd. Your wife will cover you over with fresh food and the eagle will carry you to his home in the treetops."
Presently the eagle returned. The tortoise's wife told him, "My husband is away but he left this gourd filled with food for your family."
The eagle flew away with the gourd, little suspecting that the tortoise was inside.
The tortoise could hear every word as he laughed, "Ha! ha! I share the tortoise's food but he can never visit my eyrie to share mine."
As the gourd was emptied out onto the eagle's eyrie, the tortoise crawled from it and said, "Friend eagle, you have so often visited my home that I thought it would be nice to enjoy the hospitality of yours."
The eagle was furious. "I will peck the flesh from your bones," he said. But he only hurt his beak against the tortoise's hard back.
"I see what sort of friendship you offer me," said the tortoise, "when you threaten to tear me limb from limb." He continued, "Under the circumstances, please take me home, for our pact of friendship is at an end."
"Take you home, indeed!" shrieked the eagle. "I will fling you to the ground and you will be smashed to bits in your fall." The tortoise bit hold of the eagle's leg.
"Let me go, let go of my leg, let go of my leg," groaned the great bird.
"I will gladly do so when you set me down at my own home," said the tortoise, and he tightened his hold on the eagle's leg.
The eagle flew high into the clouds and darted down with the speed of an arrow. He shook his leg. He turned and twirled, but it was to no purpose. He could not rid himself of the tortoise until he set him down safely in his own home.
As the eagle flew away the tortoise called after him, "Friendship requires the contribution of two parties. I welcome you and you welcome me. Since, however, you have chosen to make a mockery of it, laughing at me for my hospitality, you need not call again."
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